Sitting comfortably in a cosy cottage, in a tiny village somewhere in Lincolnshire, surrounded by my friends, it is so easy to forget that I am a final year student, with only two and a half months left. This week is supposed to be a reading week. A week to catch up on reading, write essays and focus on my academic education. Instead, my two friends (who are not students) and I decided to book four nights away to spend some time together, escape reality and recharge. (I will blog more about this in a separate post soon.)
I know that I should be at home right now, proving to myself that I am a good student and working hard to obtain a good degree. In the next couple of weeks I have three shorter essays, an 8,000 word dissertation, 15,000 words of the children’s fantasy story I am writing, and an exam to finish. My degree is my priority at the moment. I chose to go to University and I’m paying a bloody lot for it, so why can’t I just get on with it and enjoy these last few months?
Something has definitely changed within me since I started University. During my first year, I was a completely different person. I was the person I wanted myself to be. I joined the Drama Society, something I had always wanted to try as I absolutely love theatre, but was always too scared to do. I also signed up to the rock climbing club having never tried it before, baring in mind I’m afraid of heights. Somehow I managed to get to the top and yes, my legs may have been a little wobbly, and I held onto the wall so tightly that my hands would ache and my palms would sweat, but I pushed myself. I was just doing things, meeting new people, being social and enjoying my time at University as much as I could as a commuter.
Second year came around and I tried something new again, this time it was Salsa dancing and I loved it. I also tried living away but for many reasons, it was not for me. My mood is very dependent on the environment I am in and living in a small, dark flat made me feel claustrophobic. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I moved back home at Christmas and I decided not to return to my student accommodation. It wasn’t that I just didn’t like the place, there were other reasons I wanted to be at home, with my family. To be there for my mum; it was the right place to be.
After losing my step dad, I couldn’t concentrate at University. Suddenly it seemed so unimportant and insignificant. My attitude towards life, and what it means to be healthy and alive changed. Essays were the last thing on my mind. I tried to change this attitude going into third year; I told myself I would start afresh. Four and a half months later, I am counting down the days until I am no longer a student. Time is whizzing past so quickly it is as though I am living on autopilot. My assignments are piling up, my deadlines are approaching, but what have I got to show for my week? Not a lot. The thought of all those assignments scare me. It sounds silly, but I am so afraid of failure and not achieving, that the pressure I put on myself stops me from doing anything at all. I’m stuck in a vicious cycle I can’t get out of.
Negativity aside, I know that I can, and will finish Uni with a solid degree. There have been parts that I have enjoyed, and parts that I haven’t, but that’s completely normal. Mostly I just feel as though I’m ready to leave Uni now. I’m ready to start working, earn my living, progress in my chosen career and not have to worry about grades anymore. Maybe I’m not the only one who feels like this, but as a student, I feel as though my life is on stand-by. Everyone has a different experience of their time at University, but for me, I am using this much needed break to motivate myself for the final hurdle. Fingers crossed I make it.
Love Georgie ♥